Celebrity Big Brother Hijacked

Much as it pains me to accord the topic any attention, I did nothing but enjoy a nice bottle of red wine and watch TV last night, and I have resolved to try and write once a day to begin with, to get myself into the habit, I have no choice but to discuss CBBH (as we are meant to call it).
Firstly, Davina had made the wise choice of not having anything to do with the programme, which meant we had ample opportunity to admire Dermot’s rather fetching coat. The attractiveness of the coat seemed to increase as the night went on, presumably in comparison to the heinousness of what it was surrounded by.
The premise of the show seems to be that we can’t trust ‘celebrities’ to behave with any common expectations of decency when not fully supervised, and so they are apparently to be given control of ‘talented’ youngsters (and why was I not included, I hear you ask?!). So for the first show we have Matt Lucas, presumably with a swathe of producers monitoring his every move just out of camera shot. Then the housemates themselves are introduced. The first is a Scottish young politician John, who is immediately told he has a task, in which he much only say what Matt Lucas tells him to, via an ear piece cunningly hidden underneath a tartan hat (do you see what they’ve done there?), and John wins considerable props for his comments “the first series of Little Britain was really good”, he’s coming across fairly likeably. So far, so nothing.
We’re introduced to the second inmate, Calista. She’s a Myleene Klass wannabe. Her classical music credentials all seem very impressive, until we hear a sample of her new garage songs, which are apparently “taking over the scene”. We’re treated to a shot of Calista recording the lyrics “I like to play bongos in the morning”. At this point my house makes a collective cry of “Nooooooooo”, followed by a five minute discussion of whether she’s just playing without us, seeing how many gullible idiots will believe she’s real, or a Chanelle type invention. She enters the house, and John is forced to say many a sort-of amusing thing by Matt Lucas. There is one genuinely funny point, when he is told to say he is “like shit-hot with a kazoo”, and then we move on to the third contestant. Anthony is a boxer, and seems nice enough, even if he does like seeing other people’s blood. When he enters the house, Lucas tell John to hug him, and massage him. It’s at this point I turn off. John’s obvious distress, the others discomfort, and the same joke repeated ad infinitum made for uncomfortable, not amusing viewing, and did no favours to anyone involved. To crow-bar another Smiths lyric in, that joke isn’t funny anymore. And so I will be doing the same as any other right-minded person, and not watching the show, while reading about in on the web, just in case anything significant happens.