Why can't we be more like the French?

I saw Spamalot last night, and the funniest part is when King Arthur insulted by the french guard. "I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!" Just wouldn't be as funny in a Cornish accent.

Can you imagine Brown dating Kate Moss? Do you want imagine it? Aren't you imagining it right now? Them, in sexual activity. See? You can see it. And it's not nice. Whereas Sarkozy and his possible new wife Carla Bruni seem like a nice glamorous couple, and the thought of them in the sack really isn't unpleasant. I've got to stop this now.

And then there's this. France's leading news broadcaster is exposed as a complete idiot by an anonymous book. What do we have? News at Ten and bloody Sir Trevor 'I'll talk really slowly if it's important stopping at random intervals to express the gravity of the situation' McDonald coming back. We should have glamour and scandal, instead we have stodge and boredom. I want to be French. I'm sure I'd be a lot thinner if I was.

And we've had french biscuits in the office this week, they're yummy.